At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
A+ Viking dick
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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