I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Come see our sink grown plant.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
