im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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