So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my being single is dangerous.
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you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have aggressive nipples.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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