Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
