That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
