I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
