i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
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