90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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