i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
