Your tits are I can't wait for
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
