That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
