i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
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He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
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Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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