Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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