Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
