Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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