note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
