i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
