the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
