I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
