Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?