Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
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My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
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Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.