Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.