I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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