Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My feet surprised me
Randomize
