I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize