Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
