My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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