Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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