I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
