I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
