in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
