Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize