don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
