Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
whose ass print is on the piano?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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