I want you more than these girls want KFC
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
