Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
