I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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