I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
