I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
