I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some magic done to my vagina
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize