discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
