Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
