i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
