U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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