That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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