im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
