He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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