he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
