I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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