His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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