dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
