i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
