I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
