Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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