I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize