Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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