god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
