Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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