I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
