good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
