im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
