3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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