After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
