I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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