walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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