State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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