I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
