how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize