You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
God, you're like boner-b-gone
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
